so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
