I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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