i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
