I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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