3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm so fucking centered right now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
