Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize