I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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