Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
