shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
