Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
