I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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