have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
