Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
