my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
