Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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