i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
