u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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