literally had 100 drinks last night.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
