I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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