was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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