I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
