The maid of honor just puked.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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