fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
