coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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