We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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