Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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