One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
