the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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