i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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