i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize