yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
