cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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