remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
