My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
