Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
