Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
