hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
