Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i now understand why vodka
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
