Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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