I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
