so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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