I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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