You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
