he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
