i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
