it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You pole danced in your parka.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
