Im at strip club and am horny
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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