I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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