Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
