Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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