Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
