I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
