sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
