Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
