I murdered the dance floor call the cops
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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