dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize