My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
