the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
