So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
even my farts smell like vagina
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
