did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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