We won't sleep together?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
