I molested 6 butterflies tonight
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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