so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
