I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize