i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
