god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
