**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
