I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
