Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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