How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
