I've blown a few things in my day
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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