sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my shit smells like andre
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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